Anonymous asked: has a guy ever bought you flowers?
lol so random but sigh this is so sad; no, no guy has ever bought me flowers. If a guy ever did id legit probably cry tears of joy.
- girl: i'm having vagina surgery
- boyfriend: i know
- girl: i love you
- boyfriend: i love you too
- after surgery she wakes up and only dad is there
- girl: where is my boyfriend
- dad: who do you think gave you the vagina
- girl: what
- british: american people are so annoying
- chinese: american people are so annoying
- mexicans: american people are so annoying
- french: american people are so annoying
- americans: we are so annoying
- canadians: I fucking love maple syrup
(Source: tinta-erogena, via duke-gaga)
i want to be a bus driver when i grow up just so i can run people over
beep beep mother fuckers
(via laughing-llama)
- doctor: are you sexually active?
- me: ha
- me: hahahaha
- me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- me: HAHA THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
- me: OH MY GOD WHAT IS AIR
- me: JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL OH MY GOD
- me: hahaha
- me: haaa....
- me: whooooooo, that was a good one.
- me: no, no i am not.
If you take longer than 5 minutes to text me back then expect the reply in 5 days because no one beats me at my own game
(via withyouifeeldead)
